A Mary Sue for Chiriko
by The Badfic Fairy
Summary: In every life a little MS must fall... Contains ultra-violence, graphic sex, and mittens. Actually, no, but having those in the summary might get it more hits. PARODY.


Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi does not belong to me, nor do any of its characters. In fact, the only thing that belongs to me is the "New Miko," and if Watase wants her, she can have her.

Warnings: Mary Sue, disturbing content, stuff. Parody, of course. Also, this is pretty old, so it's for a fandom I'm not in anymore. Oh well. Deal.

A Mary Sue for Chiriko

The girl in the fire was so beautiful that even Chiriko's advanced vocabulary could not do her justice. Her hair was golden and shining, like liquid embers flowing up from her feet to her scalp in a stream of loveliness. Her face was perfectly proportioned, her nose small and pert, her lips full and pink. Her body, while not quite buxom, was still appealingly curved in all the right places, her legs long and firm. Chiriko couldn't take his eyes off of her. How could a single person embody so much beauty? He assumed it was a freak genetic mutation.

She stepped out of the fire, her every step graceful and poised. Her short red dress and red high-heels somehow made her look attractive and wholesome at the same time, a dichotomy which confused Chiriko to no end. Reaching the bottom of the steps, she took the Miko's face in her delicately-boned hands and kissed her once on each cheek. Chiriko quickly glanced around the summoning room. The other Seishi seemed just as confused as he. Who was this girl, and why was she here?

"Miaka," the girl said, her voice sweet as honey and just as likely to cause botulism in babies, "you can rest now. Suzaku has chosen a new Miko, for he knows of the deep love between you and Tamahome. He wants you to be happy, and thus he has chosen me to take your duties and your burden upon myself."

Miaka's mouth moved, but no sound came out. The girl smiled beatifically. "Go to Tamahome," she said.

After the girl gave her a small shove in the right direction, Miaka stumbled over to a young man whom Chiriko assumed was Tamahome and embraced him. He wrapped his arms around her in return and kissed her passionately. Chiriko blushed and looked back at the girl, who seemed utterly at-home in her new surroundings.

"If we may ask, no da, who are you?" said a strange-faced man with blue hair. Chiriko blinked. As far as he knew, it wasn't scientifically possible for a human's bangs to defy gravity in that manner. This day was just one mystery after another, it seemed.

"My name?" said the girl, smiling at the blue-haired man. "My name is Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric (and I insist you use the full name, sweetie 3). I'm the new Suzaku no Miko. Can't you feel it in your hearts?"

Chiriko could. It was a strange, acidic feeling, almost matching the description his mother had once given of her heartburn.

"Miss Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric," said a tall, beautiful man (though his beauty was far outshined by the girl's), "you must be tired. Please, allow us to give you a room and attend to your every need."

"That would be lovely," she answered. "I _am_ very tired. Would it be rude of me to ask for a bath and a soft bed?"

"Certainly," said the man, whom Chiriko realized was none other than the Emperor of Konan himself. "We will call an attendant to assist you, and assign you a room close to our own."

The Emperor snapped his fingers, and an attendant appeared. Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric turned to face them and smiled. Chiriko felt his heart race, and wondered whether he might be suffering from palpitations. He smiled tentatively back at her, and was rewarded with a tiny wave in his direction.

"My Seishi," she said, "who I hope will become my dear friends as well, I must leave you for now, but I will be back soon, so that I may learn your names and pasts, and you may learn of me as well. Until that time, I bid you good night." With that, Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric left with the attendant. A pang zinged through Chiriko's body, and he gasped. What was this new sensation? Perhaps he truly was ill. He'd have to find a physician to decide for sure.

What an odd girl, he thought. And yet, she was illogically attractive, both in body and in personality. Chiriko was unable to discern any reason she would have such an effect on him, an uncomfortable state of being for him. How very odd.

"Huh," said one of the other Seishi, a woman with long purple hair. "I didn't think there could be _two_ Suzaku no Mikos. One's more than enough." She gestured to Miaka and Tamahome, who were still embracing furiously.

"Indeed, no da," said the blue-haired man who'd spoken before. "It _is_ rather strange."

"Anyone else get the feelin' somethin' fishy's going on?" said a Seishi with red hair and fangs.

"Tasuki," said the Emperor, casting a disapproving glance at him. "It may be as you say, that there is... 'something fishy' going on. However, we see no reason to suspect this woman of any trickery. Perhaps Suzaku really has changed his mind."

The red-haired Seishi, Tasuki, thought it over. "Yeah, I guess you're right. She's not so bad, for a woman. Better than Nuriko here, that's for sure."

Tasuki was promptly turned into wall pudding by said Seishi. Chiriko was in the middle of mentally noting never to anger her when it happened. His mouth opened, and before he could stop himself words tumbled out, words he couldn't even imagine himself thinking.

"I think she's pretty," he said. "We should trust her."

How illogical! Physical appearance is no guarantee of trustworthiness, he knew this well. And yet, he'd just made that very assertion! What was wrong with him? This was no mere physical illness, but a flaw in his very logic structure! The blue-haired Seishi looked at him suspiciously, but the others all nodded in agreement, save Miaka and Tamahome who were now murmuring each other's names softly.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Introductions were made, and Chiriko was assigned a room next to Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric, as they were both new to the palace. Claiming fatigue, Chiriko retired early and dressed for bed, pondering recent events.

What a puzzling day. First, he had arrived at the palace just in time to prevent disaster brought about by an impostor claiming to be him. Second, the summoning ceremony had failed to summon Suzaku, and had instead summoned another Miko for purposes unknown. Where had she come from, and why? Chiriko found that his mind would not accept the premise of a replacement Miko, but he also found that he could not generate any other explanation. What was it about this young woman that destroyed his ability to think?

Sighing, he decided that, as it was a problem that could not currently be solved, he would move on to others, and come back to it when his brain was functioning more efficiently. He laid down on the plush bed and crossed his arms behind his head.

Third, and most troubling, there was the illogical response he had given to the appearance of the new Miko. However hard he tried, though, he could not seem to focus on it. Apparently whatever effect she'd had on him was still active. The thought gave him a headache.

And, to finish the list, he'd found that Nuriko--the purple-haired Seishi--was not, in fact, a woman, but rather a young man who happened to look and act excessively feminine. While this was not a great mystery, Chiriko was still glad he'd gotten _one_ definite answer out of the day. Feeling at peace with his discovery, he pulled the coverlet over himself and attempted to fall asleep, only to be interrupted by a knock on his door. Grumbling, he rolled out of bed and went to answer it.

It was Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric. She was clad in a red silk nightgown which fell just past her knees and shimmered in the light. Chiriko couldn't take his eyes off her.

"Ah... Chiriko-chan," she said shyly, "may I come in...?" Chiriko wondered why she was calling him "chan." They'd only just met, and he wasn't that little of a boy. Still, he forgave her the slight impropriety. After all, one couldn't expect Mikos from other worlds to follow cultural standards, could they? He smiled and was about to tell her that he'd had a long day and just wanted to sleep. But again, the unthinkable happened.

"Sure," he said, holding the door open for her. "Is anything wrong?" He blinked. Hadn't he been intending to tell her to go away? He couldn't remember.

"Thank you," she said, making her way into the room and sitting on the bed. Chiriko sat beside her, still wondering what he was doing. "I... I just needed to talk, that's all. I hope you don't mind..." He shook his head. How could he mind? He was a Seishi, there to serve the Miko.

He blinked. Something was definitely wrong here; even his thoughts were not his own.

"I..." She turned away. "No, you wouldn't want to hear it."

In fact, Chiriko didn't. It was late, and he was rapidly growing cranky. However, once again his mouth opened and spewed out something he'd had no intention of saying.

"Of course I do," he said. His hands moved on their own to cradle one of hers. He gaped. Was his body out of his control now too, as well as his mouth and his mind? She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, which was wet and glistening like a thousand raindrops on a rose's thorns. He shook his head again and continued, wondering where that particular simile had come from. "Tell me, please..."

Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric then blurted out a tale so convoluted, even Chiriko couldn't follow it. He thought he heard something about alchemy, and brothers, and lost bodies, but he also thought he heard something about cats on "Mars," wherever that was. He was able to gather that she was in terrible pain and had some sort of destiny, and became alarmed when he felt a sudden, overwhelming urge to help her with her plight.

"I would do anything for you, Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric... Anything..." he said, unable to stop himself.

"Really?" she said. "You'd really do anything?" Chiriko nodded against his will. That acidic feeling was back, stronger than ever. He thought of the exceedingly large man he'd met that day--Mitsukake? Yes, that was it. He'd have to go to him in the morning to ascertain that the condition was not chronic.

"Anything, Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric," he said quietly. "Ever since I saw you in that fire, I've felt a strange connection to you. It's hard to describe, but... I feel as though... I feel as if, in that moment, our souls... became one..."

Had he been someone else he would have stared at himself in horror. What was he saying? Despite the protests of his mind, his mouth drizzled inanities like raindrops in monsoon season. He turned to ask Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric to please leave, afraid for reasons he couldn't quite place. Just then, though, she turned her face and met his gaze, and he was paralyzed again.

Her eyes... the soft candlelight flickering over her face... he couldn't say what it was, but he found himself dazed and confused, unable to do anything as she leaned closer. "Do you mean that, Chiriko-chan?" she whispered, her honey-tainted breath gusting into his still partially-opened mouth. He took a deep breath and prepared to tell her that he really should be getting to bed, as it was rather late.

Instead, he leaned forward and kissed her.

His first instinct was to pull away--he'd had no intention of kissing her in the first place. His second instinct was to stay put--it did feel rather nice to kiss a woman, after all, and a pretty one at that. His third instinct was to gag as her tongue swept into his mouth without any invitation whatsoever. He decided to go with his first instinct after all, but when he raised his hands to her face to pry it from his own, he found them slipping around to her shoulders and--Suzaku, what was he doing?--pulling her closer.

When the kiss finally ended, Chiriko detached himself from her, out of breath and with a sickeningly sweet taste in his mouth. They stared at each other for a moment more. Then Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric blushed and looked away. "I... I'm sorry, Chiriko-ch... Chiriko," she said. "I don't know what came over me. I'll... I'll go now." She stood and quickly left the room, pausing in the doorway to shoot a longing glance at him before rushing out.

Chiriko raised his shaking hands in front of his face and stared at them. What had just happened? What was the source of this mysterious power which took control of his body away from him? When he put his mind to the question, his head ached, and the only explanation he could produce for such a phenomenon was that such thoughts were forbidden territory for some unknown reason. He shook himself from his trance and closed his eyes.

He _had_ to know what was going on!

That thought in mind, he stood, slipped on a robe, and strode out of his room towards the palace library, determination burning in his heart like Suzaku's fire.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Approximately three shelves later, Chiriko had not yet found the slightest lead. He had perused the ancient and obscure beasts section, wondering if Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric's inhuman beauty and power might be the result of, well, inhumanity, but none of the humanoid monsters he'd found had body-control powers. He had also thumbed through tomes of light and dark magic, but all the spells he found allowing one to control another's body and thoughts required chanting of some sort beforehand, and Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric had done no such thing.

Though, he thought, perhaps she had performed the requisite chanting and instructed him to forget about it. That idea seemed the most probable, but his intuition told him it was wrong. He rubbed his temples. The more he searched for an answer to his question, the more steadily his head throbbed, and the sharper the pain became. It made him certain that there was some powerful unnatural force at work here. However, despite his convictions, he simply could not study any more with his brain screaming in pain. He crossed his arms on the library table and laid his head down on them, relieved when the pain subsided almost immediately.

Suddenly, hands descended on his shoulders and a voice whispered in his ear, a voice sweet as honey and sharp as aged cheddar.

"So, Chiriko-chan," said Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric, "what are you doing here so late at night, hmm? Weren't you tired?"

Chiriko sat bolt-upright, mind and heart racing at the same pace. "Ah, I couldn't sleep, so I was... researching!" he said, unable to come up with a plausible lie.

"Is that so?" Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric began rubbing his shoulders gently. "Perhaps I could... help you sleep?"

His senses screamed DANGER DANGER DANGER, but he was paralyzed just as before, unable to even speak. Without his consent, his mouth and throat moved, forming the words "That would be wonderful."

"Stand up," she said. Chiriko did. Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric turned him around, and suddenly he was flat on his back on the library table. He vaguely wondered how he'd gotten into such a position, and more importantly, where his research material had gone. Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric straddled him and threaded the fingers of her right hand through those of his left. He gulped.

"Oh, Chiriko," she said, "you really love me!"

Chiriko wanted to cry. What was going on? Why couldn't he move? And what was Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric doing?

"Yes," his mouth said, "I... I love you, Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric! I've wanted this for so long, but I was... so afraid..." What was he saying? What was it he'd said he wanted? A tear slid down his cheek. He was so confused!

"Oh Chiriko, don't cry," she said. "I know it's our first time, but I hate to see you cry, even if it's from happiness." Chiriko stared straight ahead as she kissed the tear away. First time. Where had he heard that term before? First time.

Oh, Suzaku, no.

He tried to scream, he really did, but he was struck by the same paralysis as before. He couldn't move an inch to save himself as she swooped down, her eyes trained on his like a snake's on a mouse's...

"What's going on here, no da?"

Three things happened simultaneously: Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric leapt off of Chiriko, hissing and spitting; Chiriko shoved himself to a sitting position and away from her; Chichiri formed a hand seal and teleported in front of the table between them. Chiriko scrambled to his knees just as Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric regained her composure.

"Why, Chichiri, what's the matter?" she asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "Chiriko and I... well, we were... well, maybe it was a little inappropriate to be doing... that... here, but it's true love, so--"

"That's right," said Chiriko even as he clung to Chichiri's shirt in terror. "True love has neither a time, nor a place. It is everywhere and everywhen, and should never be denied."

Chichiri looked down at him in shock. "Do you really mean that, Chiriko?" he asked. Unable to respond negatively, Chiriko simply stared at him, hoping Chichiri would pick up his true meaning.

"Now, if you'll excuse us, Chichiri, we'll take it somewhere a little more private," said Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric. "Come, Chiriko, let's go." She held out her hand. Chiriko let go of Chichiri and reached forward to take it, but Chichiri shoved him backwards off the table and performed a quick spell. A high, keening noise emanated from his hands and Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric was thrown back against the wall. Chiriko remained sprawled on the floor in shock. His headache was gone! He could move on his own again!

"Chiriko," Chichiri shouted, "get out of here. Gather the other Seishi and tell them what's going on. Hurry!" Chiriko nodded and rushed out of the room as fast as he could. What kind of monster were they facing?

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Chichiri sighed in relief as he saw Chiriko slam the ornate door behind him. The sound barrier, while not particularly powerful as a defensive tool, was useful for surprise attacks. Unfortunately, when held for long periods of time it was extremely draining. After only a few seconds, Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric had recovered herself and begun to force the barrier back with raw dark energy. Chichiri pushed harder, but in under a minute he was hurled backwards by a sudden surge of energy. He crashed into the table he'd discovered Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric and Chiriko on only minutes earlier, knocking it backwards and over. His right shoulder blade snapped when he hit the floor.

"I knew there was something wrong with you," he gasped. He tried to push himself upright with his good arm, but found himself too weak from the spell he'd cast. Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric took a step closer, one eyebrow raised.

"Something wrong... with me?" she smirked. "I think not, my dear Chichiri. As you can see, I am much more powerful than you." She raised one finger to emphasize. "I am also: more beautiful than Hotohori," two fingers, "stronger than Nuriko," three, "more aggressive than Tasuki or Tamahome," four, "and more talkative than Mitsukake." She thought for a moment. "Though that last one is, admittedly, not saying much. Still, I believe you get the picture. I am perfect in every way, shape and form, and there is nothing you can do about it."

She advanced again. Chichiri pulled himself backwards with his good arm, but had to stop when he encountered the remains of the table. "What about Chiriko?" he asked. "Why are you after him?"

Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric slammed a fist into her open palm. "Why, thank you, Chichiri, you've just reminded me! I am also smarter than Chiriko! But as for why I'm after him," she said, searching for something in the bosom of her nightgown, "I've simply taken a liking to him, that's all. Why, are you jealous? Wish it had been you?"

Chichiri grit his teeth. His broken scapula was making itself known in the worst of ways. "Stay away from him," he said. "The other Seishi... we'll protect him. You'll see."

"Oh, really?" she asked, still searching. "Ah, here it is!"

The wand Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric held aloft was unlike any Chichiri had ever seen before: pink and cylindrical on one end, black and pointy on the other end, and yellow and hexagonal in the middle. She advanced on Chichiri once more, then bent down next to him and smiled like a cat with a mouse in its paws.

"I've decided you're too much of a hassle to keep around, my dear Chichiri," she said. "So, I'm afraid I'm getting rid of you, once and for all."

And before Chichiri could protest, Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric waved her pencil and wrote him out of the fic.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"...and that is why I have called you here," Chiriko said, sitting down. "We need to plan a strategy." He looked around the long table the Seishi and Miaka were seated at. Mitsukake was on his left, Emperor Hotohori on his right--though, now that he looked, he noticed that Hotohori was not paying attention to him at all. Instead, he was staring deeply into a mirror and caressing his hair. Chiriko looked across the table. Miaka and Tamahome were holding each other tightly and softly whispering each others' names.

"Miaka..."

"Tamahome..."

"Miaka..."

"Tamahome..."

"Miaka?" Chiriko asked. "Tamahome?" No response. He turned to Hotohori. "Sire?" Hotohori continued to admire himself. Chiriko felt a cold knot in the pit of his stomach. This had to be Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric's doing. He turned his eyes to Nuriko and Tasuki in trepidation, but was relieved when they seemed normal. Normal for them, that was.

"Wait, run that by me again, kid," Tasuki said, leaning back in his chair. "You're sayin' that the new Miko is out to get you? That she's got weird mind-control powers and stuff?" He turned to Nuriko, seated across from him. "Whatta you think?"

"Hmm..." Nuriko scratched her--his, Chiriko reminded himself--smooth chin, thinking. "Well, it's kind of hard to believe. She doesn't seem the type to do that sort of thing."

Chiriko took several deep breaths to calm his rising panic. He wasn't powerful enough to fight Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric on his own; if the other Seishi didn't help him, he was doomed!

"Please," he begged, "please believe me. When she's around, I can't think! Words I have no intention of saying force their way out of my mouth! There is something very, very wrong here!"

"Oh-hoh," Nuriko singsonged, smirking at Tasuki. "Looks like our little bookworm here is in looooove..."

Tasuki rolled his eyes. "You and your love crap," he said. "Still, I think Nuri here might be right, kid. You do weird shit when you wanna screw someone."

Chiriko rose from his own seat and slammed his hands onto the table, startling the other Seishi into silence. "That's not true!" he cried. "I am not in love, and I most certainly do not want to--to screw her." Tears of frustration rolled down his cheeks. "She is forcing me to do and say these things. I don't like it. I don't like her." He started sobbing. "I want her to stop. None of this is making any sense!"

The other Seishi remained silent while he cried, his face buried in his hands. Stupid, stupid stupid! He'd come to the palace with the intention of proving himself worthy of the title of Suzaku Shichiseishi, to be useful to the other Seishi, a full member of their party, and here he was, acting like a child! He startled when a large hand fell on his shoulder and looked up into Mitsukake's sympathetic face. The other Seishi stared at him with wide eyes. Mitsukake rubbed his back soothingly.

"Hey--Hey kid," Tasuki ventured. "You OK?" Chiriko nodded, wiping at his eyes and hiccuping. "Good. Good. You wanna snack or something?" Chiriko shook his head.

"Chiriko," said Nuriko, "it's not that... well, I guess we weren't taking you seriously. But that's because we don't have anything but your word that Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric isn't what she claims to be, you know?" Chiriko took one last deep breath and sat down again.

"I understand." He scanned the room for something, anything that might convince them of the truth of his words. His gaze fell on the doorway, and he smiled wryly and pointed. "If you're looking for proof, you may want to look over there." The Seishi--minus Hotohori and the Miaka-Tamahome fusion, who were still absorbed in their own little worlds--turned to look.

"Chiri-koi?" said Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric from the doorway. "There you are." She took a step forward. "Come here."

Though she looked exactly the same as she always had, something was off about Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric. No, not just off--wrong. Twisted. Evil. Waves of malicious intent rolled off her like a waterfall. As one, the Seishi stood and backed away, Chiriko clutching Mitsukake's leg.

If she had been a word, that word would have been "doom."

"Wh--What the hell is this?" Tasuki said, his voice shaking slightly. He reached behind his back and drew out a large iron tessen. "Don't get any closer, bitch, or I'll fry you good."

"I don't think so, Tasuki," she said, advancing. "After all, I'm hotter than anything your little party toy can cook up." She came around to Tasuki's side of the table and placed a hand on his chest. "Aren't I?"

Tasuki nodded dumbly as her power overwhelmed him. "I guess... I guess you ain't so bad for a woman," he said.

"Good boy," she said, patting his head. "Now, go do something else." Tasuki nodded again and left the room. Chiriko clutched tighter to Mitsukake. His hope was rapidly fading. The continued sound of Miaka and Tamahome's cooing didn't improve his confidence any. Did any of the Seishi stand a chance against the power of Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric?

Suddenly, a great crash resounded through the hall as Nuriko overturned the table, almost hitting Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric. She dodged at the last minute, though, and hissed at Nuriko, who stepped over the table to meet her.

"So, you want a fight, huh?" he said, cracking his knuckles. "I'll teach you to mess with Suzaku's Chosen." Chiriko's heart thrilled. Maybe there was a chance, as long as Nuriko didn't do anything to--

Before Chiriko could complete his thought, Nuriko raised his hand and slapped Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric.

The silence was deadly. Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric stood frozen, head turned to the side to display the rapidly-purpling bruise on one cheek. Chiriko held his breath. What would she do now? She slowly turned her head to face Nuriko again, eyes narrowed.

"Oh, is this how you play the game?" she asked sweetly. "Well, then..." In a swift movement, she raised her own hand and slapped Nuriko. Nuriko flew across the room and into a wall on the other side, putting a large dent into it. He attempted to stand, but sunk down again with a gurgle, unconscious. Chiriko whimpered as Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric turned to him, all malice.

"Now, Chiriko," she cooed, "I think we should continue where we left off, don't you?" Against his will, Chiriko let go of Mitsukake and took a step forward, resigned to his fate. Before he could take another one, though, Mitsukake put a hand on his shoulder and jerked him backwards. Chiriko fell to the floor and stared in surprise as Mitsukake himself stepped forward.

"Mitsukake-san, what are you doing?" he cried. "You are a doctor, not a warrior! It is illogical for you to fight her as well, when you have no chance of victory! Please, save yourself and leave me to my fate!" Mitsukake looked at him, then back at Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric.

"No," he said. "Chiriko, you may not know this, but before I came here I was engaged to a wonderful woman. But before we could be married, she died. In the short time I've known you, I've come to think of you as the son she and I could have had. That is why I won't step down; that is why I, too, will fight Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric, though as you said I have no chance of winning."

"Mitsukake-san..." Chiriko said, awed. It was the first time he'd heard Mitsukake speak.

"Please," Mitsukake continued, "run away, far away. Someone so young should not suffer a fate such as this." And with that, he walked toward Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric, chin held high.

"Mitsukake-san!" Chiriko cried, tears spilling down his face. Mitsukake reached Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric and looked down. Chiriko wiped his eyes and watched, unable to look away. His jaw dropped at what he saw.

Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric was crying.

"Mi-Mitsukake..." she said, her voice trembling. "You... how tragical... I never realized... what you must be going through..." She hiccuped. "Never... oh, Mitsukake..." She brushed his cheek lightly with the back of her hand, then slid it to his shoulder. "Mitsukake... I..." She drew closer, almost shyly, but just as her lips were about to touch Mitsukake's, she disappeared in a sudden flash of light.

Chiriko blinked. What had just happened, and why? Had Suzaku realized his mistake and sent Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric back to where she belonged? Mitsukake collapsed to his knees and sighed. Chiriko stood and made his way over to him, but before he got there a voice penetrated the daze of his thoughts.

"Where the hell is she? That bitch, I'll fry her ass--I frickin' hate women--" Chiriko looked up just as a yelling Tasuki burst through the door, free from Mary Sue's control. A groan over in a corner caught his attention. Nuriko pushed himself to his feet, confused but otherwise unhurt. The huge dent he'd put in the wall was gone. The table was upright again. It seemed that all traces of Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric's presence were gone.

"Tasuki! Nuriko!" Chiriko cried happily, almost laughing with relief. "You're back to normal!"

"Damn right," said Tasuki. "Now tell me where she is, kid. I've got a little payback for her." He tapped his tessen against the wall menacingly.

"Me too," said Nuriko, grinning at Tasuki and cracking his knuckles. "Can't let you have all the fun, can I?"

"She's gone," said Chiriko. "I don't know where she went, or why, but I get the feeling she won't be coming back."

"It's a blessing from Suzaku, no da," said someone behind Chiriko. He turned around and--

"Chichiri-san!" Chiriko said. "Thank goodness! I was afraid Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric had killed you!"

"Well, she did get rid of me for a time," Chichiri said, smiling widely, "but I'm back, and she's gone, so let's celebrate, no da!"

"I'll drink ta that!" Tasuki said. "But first, let's move these guys somewhere else. They're gonna get in our way."

Chiriko turned to where Tasuki was gesturing and froze in horror. The Emperor was still fondling his hair and gazing affectionately into his hand mirror. Miaka and Tamahome were still cooing each others' names. How could this be? Had some of Moonshine Ashleeye Risotto Yolanda Serendipity Uganda Elric's effects proved permanent? Chichiri noticed Chiriko's expression and laughed.

"Don't worry, no da," he said as he helped Mitsukake to his feet. "As far as I can tell, it's like she was never here."

Chiriko regarded Chichiri curiously. "Then..."

"They're always like this," said Nuriko, grinning as he carried Hotohori, chair and all, out of the room.

"Miaka..."

"Tamahome..."

"Miaka..."

"Tamahome..."

"Would somebody please shut them up?" Tasuki growled, brandishing his tessen at the oblivious couple.

Chiriko tilted his head to the side as he pondered this, then smiled. Life among the Suzaku Seishi was going to be interesting, indeed.

Epilogue; or, Whatever Happened to M.A.R.Y.S.U.E?

Yes, I can explain this. Why did she disappear so suddenly? Well, one of the cardinal Mary Sue rules is that they can only love one character per fic. When she fell for Mitsukake and his tragic past, she violated that rule, requiring transfer to a different fic. That fic is "A Mary Sue for Mitsukake," which has never been written, and probably will never be. Thus, she exploded in the empty vacuum of fanfic oblivion.

...Hurah!


End file.
